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California Becomes First State to Protect LGBT Youth from Psychological Abuse

KendallBy Ryan Kendall
NCLR Guest Columnist

I was at home, deep into studying for my fall-semester class load at Columbia University in New York City, when I got the news that California Governor Jerry Brown signed Senate Bill 1172 into law, protecting young lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth from the same type of psychological abuse that I endured at the hands of mental health professionals who tried to change my sexual orientation.

It was a powerful thing to know that we had finally done something to stop the psychological abuse that had a defining impact on my life, and on the lives of too many LGBT youth.

I have known I was gay since I was a young boy growing up in a conservative, Christian household in Colorado, where I tried to hide my sexual orientation from everyone around me—including school classmates who tormented me with words like “faggot” because they thought I was different.

My parents discovered that I was gay when I was a young teenager—and suddenly the loving home that I had known began to quickly fall apart, with my parents growing increasingly worried and sending me to see Joseph Nicolosi, a Southern California therapist who told them he could make me straight.

Instead, my weekly sessions with this man set me on a devastating, decade-long course of self-destruction, as each session made me sink deeper into depression and drove me to the brink of suicide.

Eventually, I realized that the only way for me to escape the psychological abuse was to leave home. At 16, when most young people are making college plans, my sole focus became finding a way to stay safe and alive. I was forced to navigate my way through a complex social welfare system, surrendering myself to the Colorado Department of Human Services, and taking legal action to revoke my parents’ custody. Only then did my “therapy” finally end, leaving me to deal with years of depression, substance abuse, and occasional homelessness. It took more than a decade, but I finally rebuilt my life. Unfortunately, many other young people who are subjected to these abusive practices aren’t so lucky, sinking so deeply into depression that they are never able to see themselves as anything other than the “damaged” people these charlatans make them out to be.

I know firsthand how destructive it can be to believe that you are somehow defective or unworthy of love. The truth is simple: I did not choose to be gay any more than I chose to be Hispanic, brown-eyed, or short. There is nothing wrong with who I am, just as there is nothing wrong with the other lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth who are still being harmed by these discredited practices, which include the use of shame and aversion techniques. Every day, more families across the country are destroyed, and more young people lose the chance to grow up knowing they are deserving of love and support just as they are due to these dangerous practices.

Over the years, I’ve become increasingly vocal about my personal journey—from testifying during the Proposition 8 trial in 2010 to recently sharing my story with members of the California State legislature as they decided the fate of SB 1172.

September 29, 2012 was an important day, because that was the day California Governor Jerry Brown signed this important bill into law. That was the day that we put into place a vital protection for our youth.

I cannot describe how deeply moving that is for me. The world is changing for LGBT youth, and we must be the people who change it.

Ryan Kendall, 30, is a student at Columbia University in New York City, and plans on becoming a civil rights attorney.

Read more about Senate Bill 1172.
Read more about the case.

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President Obama’s Record on LGBT Issues

The President’s announcement that he supports marriage equality has encouraged other high- profile leaders and organizations to express their support for marriage equality, most notably the NAACP, which decided in a near-unanimous vote to pass a resolution officially supporting marriage equality. The President also adds his voice to a growing chorus of people of faith who embrace equality not in spite of their religious beliefs, but because of them.

It would be tempting to see this moment as the most significant of the President’s efforts on behalf of the LGBT community. But this incredible proclamation is only the most recent step in the President’s determined march toward equality for the LGBT community. It joins a steady stream of moments that have defined his presidency and forever raised the bar for what can be expected of leaders working with the LGBT community.

The President’s impressive legislative record includes signing both the Matthew Shepard and

James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Act and the repeal 
of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. And when Congress would not act, this administration has taken strong actions to include and protect the LGBT community in every area under executive control.

RELATIONSHIP RECOGNITION

In February 2011, President Obama declared his belief that the so-called “Defense of Marriage Act” (DOMA) is unconstitutional and directed the Justice Department to stop defending this unjust law in court. NCLR was proud to have been involved in the advocacy efforts that led to this announcement. In high-level meetings with the Justice Department, White House Counsel, and even President Obama, we urged the administration to take this position. The government now joins LGBT advocates in cases involving DOMA, urging federal courts to strike down the law as unconstitutional. More recently, the Department of Veteran’s Affairs adopted this position as well and declared that it would not defend DOMA in cases where same-sex spouses of veterans seek spousal benefits.

FAMILIES & PARENTING

At the same time, the administration revised the regulations enforcing the Family and Medical Leave Act to ensure that LGBT parents can take family leave under the Act, regardless of whether they are married, and directed every federal agency to identify and provide every spousal benefit that can legally be extended to same-sex partners of federal employees.

The Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) has been particularly active in combatting housing discrimination against LGBT people, and NCLR is proud to have worked closely with them on many of these efforts.
In 2010, HUD announced that all grant-seekers applying for funds from HUD must comply with state and local laws prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity.
It also announced that it would interpret the
Fair Housing Act’s prohibition against sex discrimination to protect transgender and gender non-conforming people. In September 2011, NCLR co-hosted a webinar with HUD that educated HUD staff and housing providers on these new pro-LGBT rules. In December 2011, NCLR once again partnered with HUD and HHS to hold the first-ever national summit on housing and health discrimination against LGBT elders.

Just this past January, HUD announced its LGBT Equal Access Rule that will protect LGBT people and families from discrimination in public and HUD-insured housing and housing programs. NCLR was a lead partner with HUD in the development of this rule. We were the lead drafters on comments that were joined by over 30 other organizations suggesting changes

to a previous version of the rule, many of which were incorporated into the final version. NCLR co-hosted an event with the White House
and HUD to give an overview of the rule to stakeholders, and has been working with HUD offices across the country to provide trainings on implementing this historic rule.

HEALTHCARE

The President is strongly committed to ensuring equal access to high quality health care for all people. In April 2010, President Obama directed the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) to identify ways to increase access to care for LGBT patients and their families. In response, HHS released a rule on hospital visitation that would give all patients the right to be visited

by loved ones, regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity, or marital status. NCLR was a key partner with HHS on the development of this rule and was the lead drafter on comments that played an important role in shaping the final rule.

HHS has also made extraordinary efforts to protect the health and well-being of the LGBT community through regulations under the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (ACA). This has included prohibiting insurers from refusing
to cover people based on their sexual orientation or gender identity, increasing data collection efforts that include LGBT people, and working 
to decrease health disparities within the LGBT community.

ADDITIONAL CIVIL RIGHTS

The Obama administration has been especially committed to stopping violence, harassment, and discrimination against LGBT youth and adults—both nationally and internationally. In December 2011, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton gave a historic speech in which she told the United Nations that violence and discrimination against LGBT people is a core human rights issue. Subsequently, the administration directed all federal agencies engaged abroad to use U.S. diplomacy to promote and protect the human rights of LGBT people.

In the United States, NCLR has worked with the administration to host three meetings on violence against transgender women with the Department of Justice, HHS, and the White House. We also worked with numerous federal agencies as they revised their internal nondiscrimination policies to include gender identity. The administration has also helped make the transgender community more secure by simplifying the process of changing gender markers on passports.

YOUTH

The administration’s commitment to protecting LGBT and gender non-conforming youth in our schools has been unparalleled. At the same time that NCLR and the Southern Poverty Law Center filed a lawsuit on behalf of six students who

had faced constant and severe harassment in
the Anoka-Hennepin School District in Minnesota, the Department of Justice and Department
of Education were conducting their own investigation of conditions in the district. The government’s lawsuit and the student plaintiffs’ lawsuit were jointly resolved earlier this year in 
a groundbreaking agreement that requires the district to make sweeping changes in its bullying policy, with oversight and accountability to federal officials. The President has also endorsed the Student Non-Discrimination Act and the Safe Schools Improvement Act, which would provide necessary federal protections against bullying, violence, and harassment targeting LGBT youth.

The White House also hosted a summit on bullying, specifically addressing the need to protect LGBT youth, where I participated on two panels with administration officials on promoting safe schools and communities for LGBT people.

Since taking office, President Obama has been nothing short of a champion for the rights
of LGBT people and their families, and NCLR has been proud to have worked closely with the administration on many of its life-changing efforts on behalf of our community.

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Dynasty Young: A High School Student Harassed Because He is Gay Speaks Out

By Dynasty Young
NCLR Guest Columnist

ViewsAnalysis_DynastyYoungBefore last year, I had little to fear in high school.

I came out a couple of years earlier when I was a freshman, and couldn’t imagine that people who didn’t even know me could have so much hate built up against me.

But I soon learned that wasn’t true. After enrolling in Arsenal Technical High School in Indianapolis,
I faced constant name calling and threats just because I have a unique style and I’m gay.

What made things worse is that the harassment wasn’t only at the hands of other students, but also came from school leaders, who told me
I was to blame because I’m “flamboyant” and I could stop the name calling, the spitting, the rock throwing, and the bottle throwing by acting like other male teenagers.

Now at 18, I’ve known I was gay since I was a young boy. Few people were surprised when I finally built up the courage—something I got from my mom, who is one of the most coura- geous people I’ve ever met—to finally say the words aloud to others when I was about 14.

When I came out to my mom, she said, “I don’t care if any of my children are gay, straight, bisexual or transgender. I love each of you as you are, and will always stand beside you and will never turn my back on you.”

Her words were what I needed at that time, and I needed them even more over the last year since enrolling at Arsenal Technical High School for 11th grade, and experiencing a type of harassment and hate I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

I was excited when I first walked onto campus— after all, I really liked school and was looking forward to meeting new people in a new school where I planned on making lifelong friendships.

Even though we wore school uniforms, I acces- sorized, wearing my favorite pieces to make my outfit more stylish—great shoes, bangle bracelets, and my favorite handbag that I used to put my school supplies in.

When other students saw me, many yelled “faggot!” But that wasn’t the worst of it.

Eventually they were spitting as I walked down the halls. Throwing rocks at me as I tried to get home after school. Hurling bottles.

No one my age ever wants to turn to their mother to say: “I’m getting harassed and threatened be- cause I’m gay and I need you.” But I remembered my mom telling me she would always stand beside me, and eventually I asked her for help.

My mother and I went to the school administra- tors to tell them about the harassment. We were shocked when they blamed me for what was happening, because they thought I dressed too “flamboyantly,” and even suggested that I change everything about me to avoid being the target
of hate and threats of violence.

No one should ever be told that who they are is bad, and despite my mom’s encouraging words, I couldn’t help but question my self worth, es- pecially after the constant harassment escalated into people threatening to physically hurt me.

My mom has always been my biggest supporter, and, like any caring mother, couldn’t stand by while no one helped protect me from the dangers of getting attacked. She found what’s called

a “self-protection flashlight”—a small device that emits a light, a loud noise and a weak charge when it’s set off—at a neighborhood store.

One day last spring, as I was headed to class, six other students surrounded me to attack. Afraid for my life, I held the device in the air and activated it. The noise caused my would-be attackers to run away.

But instead of locating the students who had threatened me, school leaders targeted me again, suspending me from school for trying to prevent the attack that I had told them I feared, and later expelling me.

For months, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get my life back on track, but with the help of my mom and attorneys from the National Center for Lesbian Rights, I’ve enrolled into a charter school that’s not associated with Indianapolis Public Schools. I also filed a lawsuit against my former school so that other LGBT youth will not be
left to face daily harassment and abuse alone, without support or protection from the adults around them.

I’ve been through a lot over the last year, but with my mom’s support, I’m rebuilding my inner strength, and even getting my spirit back.

Through it all, my mom taught me to have pride in myself and if that pride comes from within, no one could ever knock me down.

Read more about the case.

 

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Protecting LGBT Families Across the Nation

Since NCLR’s founding 35 years ago, we have worked to advance family law for LGBT people and their families. NCLR has helped change the law in numerous states over the years, including prohibiting courts from taking custody away from a parent just because of his or her sexual orientation, allowing same-sex couples to adopt, ensuring that transgender parents are recognized and protected, and recognizing all non-biological and non- adoptive parents as legal parents of their children.

Although there is still much work to do before every family is fully recognized under the law, we have had tremendous successes in advancing families’ rights. Here are a few of our recent family law victories.

CALIFORNIA

In September, California Governor Jerry Brown signed a bill ensuring that same-sex couples and transgender individuals have equal access to the same fertility services available to different-sex couples. Under current law, same-sex couples and transgender people who use a known sperm donor must use frozen sperm, and the donor must be re-tested for STDs each month, while different-sex couples using fertility services are able to access more affordable and effective services using fresh sperm. This new law allows providers to offer this service equally to all couples and individuals. Many lesbian and bisexual women and transgender people conceive children using known donors, and were unable to access this more affordable and effective service. Many intended parents who would not otherwise be able to afford any fertility services will be able to access safer and more effective procedures under this new law. The law goes into effect on January 1, 2013. NCLR co-sponsored this bill, which was authored by Senator Mark Leno.

HAWAII A. and K. are a same-sex couple in Hawaii who conceived a child through assisted reproduction with an anonymous donor. They sought a second parent adoption to protect both of their rights as parents but were denied because they were not married. Although courts in Honolulu had been granting second parent adoptions for years, courts in more rural areas in Hawaii, like where A. and K. lived with their son, had begun denying these adoptions. NCLR represented A. and K. in their appeal. While their case was pending, Hawaii passed a civil union law with all the rights of marriage under state law. NCLR helped them change their case to seek a civil union adoption. Earlier this year, their adoption was granted. It is believed to be the first civil union adoption completed in Hawaii. A. and K. were represented by NCLR and Hawaii Attorney Raymond Zeason.

NEW MEXICO Bani Chatterjee and her partner, Taya King, were in a committed, long-term relationship and decided to raise a child together through international adoption. Because they could not adopt jointly due to discrimination against same-sex couples, only Taya legally adopted their child from abroad. Over the next nine years, Taya and Bani parented their daughter, and Bani supported the family financially. When Bani and Taya ended their relationship, Taya tried to prevent Bani from having any contact with their child. Bani went to court to be recognized as her daughter’s parent and to ask for visitation. NCLR represented Bani in her appeal, and on June 1, 2012, the New Mexico Supreme Court ruled that when a same-sex couple raises a child together, they are both full legal parents. Bani Chatterjee was represented by NCLR and New Mexico attorneys Caren I. Friedman and N. Lynn Perls, and initially represented by New Mexico attorney Jerome Ginsburg. Learn more about the case.

MASSACHUSETTS

A.E.H. and M.R. are a same-sex couple who registered as Domestic Partners in California   before they moved to Massachusetts. They had two children through assisted reproduction. After the women’s relationship ended, the birth mother tried to prevent the non-biological mother from having any contact with the children. A.E.H., the non-biological mother, asked the court to recognize her as the children’s mother. In September, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court held that California Registered Domestic Partnerships must be recognized as marriages in Massachusetts, and that both women were mothers of the children. A.E.H. was represented by Gay & Lesbian Advocates and Defenders and Massachusetts attorney Patience Crozier. NCLR filed an amicus brief on behalf of 18 California family law professors explaining why California domestic partnerships should be recognized as marriages in Massachusetts.

NATIONWIDE There are numerous other NCLR cases involving LGBT parents that you may never hear about. Cases involving children are often confidential and cannot be publicly discussed. We are committed to taking on cases where we are needed most—regardless of whether we’ll be able to make our involvement known These cases occur all over the country and involve lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender parents who are being denied custody because of their sexual orientation or gender identity or because they are not biologically related to their children, as well as custody cases involving transgender children where one parent wants to prevent their child from expressing his or her gender identity. Learn more about our Family & Relationships work.

MARYLAND In 2008, Maryland residents Jessica Port and Virginia Anne Cowan traveled to California to marry. Unfortunately, their relationship ended and they made the difficult decision to file for divorce in Maryland in 2010. The court denied their divorce petition, saying that Maryland does not allow same- sex couples to marry. On May 18, 2012, the highest court in Maryland unanimously ruled that Maryland must recognize and protect same-sex couples who marry in other states. NCLR and Maryland attorney Michele Zavos represented Port. Lambda Legal and Maryland attorneys Mark Scurti and Leslie Stellman represented Cowan. Learn more about the case.

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“Quackery” No More—CA Gov. Brown Signs Bill Protecting LGBT Youth From Psychological Abuse

“Relegated to the dustbin of quackery.”

When I read those words from California Governor Jerry Brown after he signed Senate Bill 1172— the bill protecting LGBT minors from deceitful mental health professionals who falsely claim they can change sexual orientation or gender expression—into law, I thought “FINALLY!”

With that powerful and apt description, Governor Brown has intervened to save current and future generations of young people from being subjected to a discredited, denounced, harmful, and barbaric practice at the hands of state-licensed therapists in California.

And what’s more is that YOU made this happen. Donors just like you who have given whatever they can, whenever they can have made this victory possible. NCLR led the way on this bill, making it an organizational priority to end this horrific practice. And now that we have won in California, we are taking it to other states across the country.

Will you donate today to help us bring the shameful and unconscionable psychological abuse of so-called “conversion therapy” to an end across the United States? Your gift of $25, $40, or even $75 will bring these protections to other states that have already been in contact with us to make this the law there.

I heard the news that the Governor was signing this bill on Saturday night. In the days since, I have come to the full realization of what this means, and can hardly maintain my composure. Over the past 18 years I have been at NCLR, I have heard many stories from men and women who were subjected to this psychological abuse, most when they were young teenagers. Because there are no standards for this sort of quackery, the range and shocking nature of these practices is alarming and harrowing. But every story has one thing in common: the young people subject to this abuse all feel as if they were living in a nightmare, betrayed by the parents who professed to love them and abused by therapists with deeply anti-LGBT views. These teenagers grow up bearing the deep scars of their “treatment”—that is, if they make it to adulthood.

The true consequences of these state-licensed practices have been depression, self-harm, low self-esteem, substance abuse, alienation from family, and suicide. The human toll has been staggering. But with this new law in California, we intend to end this abuse nationwide. Enough is enough.

This practice dupes parents, harms kids, enriches charlatans, and destroys relationships and families. This bill is one of the most important things we have ever worked on—and since you know us, you know that is saying something.

Our opponents, who are fine with the abuse of LGBT young people, have announced plans to challenge this law in court. We will be here to defend the law at every step. But we need you. Legislators in other states have reached out wanting to enact such a law in their own states to protect their young people. We stand ready to help in every state with leaders who want to protect kids. But we can’t do it without you. Your gift today will tell us that you know how important this law is, and that you are ready to help us take it nationwide.

We need and deserve a society where parents are not duped by fraudulent claims that sexual orientation or gender expression can or should be changed. Our kids deserve a society where they are not made ashamed of who they are, and where they cannot be harmed by state-licensed therapists.

We can defend this law and we can help enact more laws like it in other willing states. But we cannot do either alone. We need your support and investment. You know we can do this. You know we mean what we say. You know we will make you proud. Please stand with us today.

 

In solidarity,

Kate Kendell, Esq., NCLR Executive Director

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A Mother’s Love: A Gay Student’s Mother Speaks Out to Protect her Son

ViewsAnalysis_DynastyYoung

Last month, NCLR filed a federal lawsuit challenging Indianapolis Public Schools’ discriminatory treatment and failure to protect openly gay former student, Dynasty Young, who faced severe and relentless harassment at school throughout the 2011-2012 school year.

By Chelisa Grimes

No parent ever wants to hear that their child is being tormented at school, with classmates not only hurling derogatory words, but spitting on their child as they walk down the halls and throwing glass bottles.

So when my 17-year-old son, Dynasty, told me he was being targeted by his classmates at Indianapolis’ Arsenal Technical High because he’s openly gay, I did what any caring parent would do.

I turned to school leaders, expecting them to help my son.

Ever since Dynasty was young, I taught him to be proud, and to never hide any part of his individuality that makes him one of the most beautiful and unique people I have ever had the opportunity of getting to know.

I’m not just saying this because I’m his mother, but I’ve seen the rare quality that makes others flock to him, wanting to be his friend because of the confidence and happiness that he exudes.

When he joined me in Indianapolis last school year to begin his 11th-grade year, he was ecstatic, hoping to close out his high school years—which had been more than positive—with new friends.

But immediately after walking onto the Arsenal Technical campus in Indianapolis Public Schools, he was targeted by other students, who relentlessly harassed him and made him fear for his physical safety.

Like any parent, I turned to school administrators—the people who are expected to protect our children when they’re not in our homes, providing a nurturing and safe environment.

I never expected for school leaders to turn the table, blaming my son for the harassment because they thought the way he dressed was too flamboyant and even suggested that he change everything that’s beautiful about him to avoid being the target of hate.

Dynasty began to sink into depression, no matter how much I tried to help. The young man who used to brighten a room with his smile was slowly withdrawing from everyone and everything.

Again and again, as I witnessed Dynasty’s unique spark fade away because of other students’ constant harassment, I pleaded for school leaders to protect him, but they took no effective measures to help—even after other students threatened him with physical violence.

I wanted to protect Dynasty, and found what’s called a “self-protection flashlight”—a small device that emits a light, a loud noise and a weak charge when it’s set off—at a neighborhood convenience store.

It hurts me to think about the fear my son experienced last spring when he was surrounded by six other students who were going to attack him before he held the device in the air and activated it.

The noise caused the would-be attackers to scatter without assaulting him. But instead of locating the students who had threatened Dynasty, school leaders targeted my son yet again, suspending him for trying to prevent the attack, and later expelling him.

We decided to push back, and a few weeks ago we filed a federal lawsuit against the district for failing to protect Dynasty from the constant torment despite our repeated pleas for their help.

I’ve since enrolled Dynasty in a charter school that’s not associated with the school district. Slowly, I’ve seen his spark come back. I’ve seen his happiness come back. I’ve seen his confidence come back. I have seen my son for the first time in months.

If there’s one thing I want for my kids—and every other lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender young person—to know it’s this: You’re beautiful as you are, and never let anyone make you believe otherwise.

Read more about the case.

 

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New Obama Initiative for LGBT Prisoners

Today, the Obama administration announced new rules designed to launch a major offensive to help stop the epidemic of sexual violence in the nation’s prison system and youth detention system. The rules, released by the Department of Justice (DOJ), aim to “prevent, detect, and respond to sexual abuse in confinement facilities.” The new rules—and a new report from DOJ that was also released today—recognize that sexual violence is an especially urgent issue for LGBT youth in juvenile justice facilities and LGBT adults in prisons and jails. In response to this alarming reality, the rules include a mandate to “incorporate [the] unique vulnerabilities of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and gender nonconforming inmates into training and screening protocols”—in addition to a number of other provisions to protect LGBT people.

DOJ is enacting the rules pursuant to the Prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA), which was passed in 2003. The new rules provide much-needed guidance to combat sexual violence in prisons and youth detention centers, particularly for the LGBT population. The new rules are accompanied by a presidential memorandum directing all agencies with Federal confinement facilities that are not already subject to this rule to propose their own rules within 120 days.

This is the second time this week that the Obama administration has taken a strong public stand against sexual violence against the LGBT community. Earlier this week, the House of Representatives passed H.R. 4970, a so-called version of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), that guts important VAWA protections found in the Senate version of the bill, including provisions that would protect high-risk victims including Native Americans, immigrants, and victims in LGBT communities. In response, the president issued a threat to veto the watered down version of the bill.

Read a story about the rule.

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Family Acceptance Project Publishes Pioneering Resource for Youth Suicide Prevention

For the past decade, Dr. Caitlin Ryan of the Family Acceptance Project (FAP) at SF State University has been studying the impact of family acceptance and rejection on suicide risk among LGBT youth. Today we’d like to take this moment to congratulate FAP and Dr. Ryan on their truly groundbreaking work.

Because youth suicide is typically the result of many complex interacting factors, our community needs comprehensive suicide prevention strategies and interventions to reduce the risk to LGBT youth. FAP’s multi-disciplinary team develops resources, interventions and strategies to help diverse families reduce risk and to promote their LGBT children’s well-being.

The first of these resources—a multi-lingual, multi-cultural series of family education booklets—Supportive Families, Healthy Children: Helping Families Support their LGBT Children—has just this week been designated as the first ever “Best Practice” resource for suicide prevention for LGBT youth and young adults by the national Best Practices Registry for Suicide Prevention.

The booklets help ethnically and religiously diverse families understand how specific reactions to their children’s LGBT identity both contribute to and protect against risk for suicide and related health problems. Guidance for families is depicted non-judgmentally using personal stories, lists of behaviors that both protect against and are related to high risk for suicide and other serious health problems, and approaches to decrease family conflict and to increase support. As only the best resources are, these booklets were developed based on extensive research and direct feedback from families, LGBT youth, and the providers who serve them.

As our movement for full justice equality grows and changes, initiatives like these remind us how powerful the work of small groups of dedicated individuals can be. Kudos to the Family Acceptance Project, and to all those who work tirelessly to improve the lives of LGBT youth.

Supportive Families, Healthy Children is available for download on the FAP website at: http://familyproject.sfsu.edu/publications

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Desiree Shelton: Why I Fought Back Against Discrimination

Desiree Shelton is an out lesbian and a senior at Champlin Park High School, in Minnesota’s Anoka-Hennepin School District.  She and her girlfriend, Sarah Lindstrom, were elected to the school’s Snow Days royalty court for the winter formal dance. They sued their school district—with the help of lawyers from the National Center for Lesbian Rights, the Southern Poverty Law Center, and Faegre & Benson LLP—after school officials said they couldn’t walk together in the traditional couples’ processional for the royalty court at the school-wide Snow Days Pep Fest assembly. The district settled the case, and on Monday, January 31, 2011, the two girls walked in the procession hand in hand as their classmates cheered.

~~~

By Desiree Shelton
NCLR Guest Columnist

Lately, everyone seems to have a strong opinion of this whole Snow Days controversy, and I feel like it’s important for me to explain why we did what we did. This was more than a high school Pep Fest—it was about basic rights and the ongoing fight for equality that seems so hard to win, even in 2011.

In the beginning, after Sarah and I found out that we were both nominated as royalty, a couple of people suggested that we should walk together during the procession, matching tuxes and all. We thought this was a great idea, and we talked to two straight male friends, who were also on the royalty court, who agreed to walk together so that no one was left out. Sarah and I were really looking forward to being able to share this occasion together and also thought this would be a great opportunity to send a positive message to the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community and its allies (after all the bad media the school had been getting about the gay-related suicides) by showing other students that LGBT students can express ourselves, defy gender roles, and still be treated as equal to other students, and not feel ashamed or hide “in the closet” for fear of harassment. We felt that even something as small as having two lesbians walk in the procession together could have a big impact on other LGBT students.

But then, last Tuesday, January 25, 2011, the week before the procession, we were told by the administration that we were not going to be allowed to walk together. They had a number of ridiculous excuses, such as “the tradition was one boy and one girl” and “it could make some kids uncomfortable.” I don’t think they expected us to question why we couldn’t walk together, but I didn’t understand why it was such a big deal.

The next day, Sarah and I went in with a couple of supportive teachers to meet with the principal. The principal did thank us for coming to him with our concerns and giving him a few things to think about that could help him become a better principal for all his students, which I appreciated. He said that he would have to talk to the district superintendent and school board about it, though, so we scheduled another meeting for the next day.

Later, we heard that they were thinking about having everyone walk individually instead being paired up. So much for tradition! We were angry that they were changing the procession only because we wanted to walk together. What kind of message was that going to send to LGBT students and allies, and the rest of the student body—that we didn’t deserve to be treated as equally as everyone else? That is blatant discrimination.

On Thursday, we met again with the principal after school. He and the school district had come up with what they thought was a solution that they thought would be comfortable for all the students: to cancel the procession and have the royalty already onstage at the beginning of the Pep Fest. But they were only coming up with these changes because they didn’t want us to walk together. That was discrimination. It was also denying us the chance to send out a positive message to the LGBT students and allies, which was the main reason I wanted to participate in the Snow Days royalty court.

I couldn’t just sit back and let that happen. I wanted to do my part for the LGBT rights movement, no matter how small. Also, they were getting rid of a part of the Pep Fest that I know a lot of the other people on the royalty court were looking forward to. I didn’t want that taken away from them either, because they deserved to have their moment in the spotlight as well.

Later that afternoon, Sarah and I were put in touch with some amazing lawyers at the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) and the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC). When we told them what was going on, they wanted to help us out. That night we met up with a fantastic lawyer from the law firm of Faegre and Benson, who was working with NCLR and SPLC, to talk about the situation and figure out if there was a possible case. Our lawyers worked at amazing speed all night on Thursday to get everything in order. We couldn’t have asked for anyone better to help us.

The next morning, they sent a letter to the school and the district, asking that they change the procession back to the way it was traditionally, and allow Sarah and me to walk together. The district had until noon to respond, but they didn’t, so the lawyers filed the papers for the lawsuit.

Later that night we were told that a court hearing had been scheduled for Monday morning, but first there would be a mediation session on Saturday. It would be one last chance to see if there was some way to find common ground and create a solution that worked for everyone.

To our surprise, at the mediation, the school district worked with us—with the help of the judge—to come up with the solution that any member of the royalty court would be allowed to bring any significant person in their life to walk with them during the procession. Not only could Sarah and I could walk together, but our friend Chelsea could walk with her girlfriend, and any other member of the court could bring a boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend/parent/etc. to share the experience with them. How could anyone be upset with that? On top of that, the school district also agreed to include Gay-Straight Alliance clubs and other groups in event planning to make sure that all school events were inclusive to all students and that no one was left out. The outcome of the mediation session was absolutely phenomenal and was everything we asked for, and more.

One thing I would really like people to realize is that this was never about getting attention. This was only about Sarah and I wanting to share a special event together, and about showing other LGBT kids that they don’t have to be afraid to be who they are because they are not alone. We were denied a privilege that straight couples have always received, which is not only against the law but also was sending a very hurtful message to LGBT students that we are not equal to our heterosexual peers. Sarah and I are human beings who deserve the same respect, rights, and opportunities as everyone else, and when push came to shove, we were ready to shove right back. We stood up for something we believe in, and out of that came an amazing change for the school district that I hope will continue to change a lot of things for LGBT students in the future.

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Making a Federal Case Out Of It

From Kate_KatePicDesiree “Dez” and Sarah are high school seniors at Champlin Park High School (CPHS), which is in Minnesota’s Anoka-Hennepin School District. They’re also a couple, and both are out at school as lesbians, which takes a lot of courage given the conservative climate in their school district (this is Michele Bachmann’s district). There have been reports of serious anti-gay bullying, and a number of LGBT students in the area have committed suicide in the past year and a half.

Every year CPHS holds a “Snow Days Week” celebration, ending with a formal dance. The student body elects an equal number of boys and girls to the “Snow Days Week Royalty Court” (don’t you love high school?) who are presented to the school in pairs at the Pep Fest and Coronation assembly. This year Dez and Sarah decided to run for the Royalty Court, in part because they wanted to create more visibility for LGBT students at CPHS, and they were thrilled when their classmates selected them. As other couples on the Court have done in every year past, Dez and Sarah planned to walk together, as a couple, in the procession. Two of their straight guy friends who were also on the Royalty Court even offered to walk together so that no one would have to walk alone.

Last week, school officials told Dez and Sarah that they would not be allowed to walk together, because seeing a visible same-sex couple might make some students and parents “uncomfortable.” When the girls pushed back and argued that that was discrimination, the school first decided to cancel the entire procession, and then decided to make all of the students walk alone.

Dez and Sarah were not happy with this so-called solution. Canceling an important part of the ceremony that all the students were looking forward to, just to keep a same-sex couple from participating, was discrimination, plain and simple. This sort of knee-jerk overreaction was reminiscent of Constance McMillen’s case that the ACLU litigated last year, in which the school canceled the prom rather than allow a same-sex couple to attend.

The girls decided that they would be willing to take this fight all the way to court, if necessary—but time was of the essence, because the Pep Fest was scheduled for today, Monday, January 31. Last Thursday afternoon, some friends put them in touch with NCLR and our colleagues at the Southern Poverty Law Center to talk through their options. Friday morning, our groups, along with the law firm of Faegre & Benson, sent a letter to the school district on the girls’ behalf, forcefully setting out the legal case that what the district was doing was clearly wrong and illegal under both the First Amendment and the Minnesota Human Rights Act, which prohibits schools from discriminating based on sexual orientation.

The school refused to back down, so Friday afternoon we filed a lawsuit in federal court asking for an emergency injunction ordering the school to allow the girls to participate as a couple in the ceremony on Monday afternoon. The judge asked both sides to come to a mediation session on Saturday morning to try to resolve the case.

I am delighted to report that the mediation was a success! The district relented and agreed to allow the procession to proceed as originally planned. Dez and Sarah—and any other same-sex couple—would walk together. They also agreed that this had provided an “opportunity for ongoing conversation about school events and activities and for consideration of other ideas that will make our school communities inclusive” and respectful of everybody, including LGBT students. This afternoon, Dez and Sarah walked in the procession as a couple, holding hands, in matching tuxes and pink ties, to the boisterous cheers of their classmates.

Every once in a while NCLR gets involved in a case that leaves us asking, “What were they thinking?!” This case was such a moment. We applaud the school officials for resolving this in a way that honors both the tradition of Snow Days Week and the rights of Dez and Sarah to participate just like every other member of the Royalty Court. In one sense this case is about the girls’ rights to free expression and equal protection of the laws. But even more importantly, it is about dignity, the right to be seen and to be a valued member of one’s community. Congratulations, Dez and Sarah. There are many people—young, old, LGBT and not—who walk a little taller today because of your courage.

Yours,

Kate Kendell, Esq., NCLR Executive Director